I am a self confessed, whinger, grumble guts, Victor Meldrew and moaning minnie. So much so I have already posted on this topic here but that was mostly Berlin based which means I am quite happy to elaborate on my universal pet peeves.
Seat hoggers – you know those annoying people who will get on pubic transport, usually a very crowded tube, train, tram or bus and they sit in the bit that is meant for 4 people to face each other. Then they sit next to the aisle, put their feet up on the seats across and all their bags on the other 2 seats. Nice try bud die but I will be asking you to move your crap out of my way so I too can sit down. Also men who sit next to you with their legs so far apart it leaves you no room for yours, seriously mate if your balls are that big that this is an essential posture for you then you need to see a doctor pronto.
Pusher inners – I am better than I used to be but I am not very assertive and terribly British when it comes to queuing and waiting my turn. I will normally seethe inwardly when someone pushes in front of me or jumps the queue and respond only with a tut, sigh or eye roll. I actually pity people who are so oblivious to social conventions and what is going on around them, it must really smell to have your head so far up your own arse. Me and my husband have a running joke that normally when something like this happens he will turn to me and very loudly say “for gods sake Debbie get out of the way there are important people who need to get past” they are normally oblivious to it (as you would expect) but it makes me laugh.
People who are rude to staff – It doesn’t matter if they are shop assistants, bar tenders, waiters and waitresses or public transport workers. They are human and deserve the common courtesies in life. They are there to do their job and help you, they are not slaves you should use please and thank you and a smile goes a long way, when i was in London I always used to say good morning to the bus driver on the way to work and thank you when I got off and found people often really respond to it and be more inclined to help you if you do have a problem.
Tourist syndrome – This a blanket term for people who have no idea how to behave in public and covers, walking in one direction and looking in another, stopping in inappropriate places like shop door ways, bottom or top of escalators or stairs, right outside the doors on transport and in the middle of busy walkways. It also covers the taking photos in a public places and expecting everyone to stop and you stand 20 feet away from your family and the slow walk backwards (without looking behind) and into all of the people who are trying to avoid ruining your shot in the first place. The last thing this covers is not being bothered to learn at least please, thank you and counting to five in the language of the country you are visiting, I always feel bad when I hear the whole “say it slower and louder in English” I know you may only be there for a weekend but it’s really not that difficult and most people here speak English anyway so you don’t have to talk to them like they are slow.
Offensive smells – people who smoke at me when there is not option for me to move away, people who excessively spray deodorant or perfume in an enclosed place (see also nail painting), nachos in the cinema (this has to be the most awful cinema snack ever its loud, smelly and messy) and whatever it is that makes Alexander Platz stink the way it does.
Movie Trailers – I love movies but I hate movie trailers that are either played so often you are actually sick of the movie before it is even released or movie trailers that show you all of the good or funny scenes so you feel like you don’t need to bother seeing it anymore.
Have you had enough yet or are you thirsty for more? One more and then we can all take a nice deep breath count to 10 and carry on with our day.
Gate lice – this is the term used to describe those people at an airport who as soon as anyone who looks vaguely official turns up are up out of their seat and hovering round the desk. It’s an aeroplane, we all have precisely book seats and some of us even chose via the internet exactly where we are going to sit. You are going to get on, there will be a seat for you so calm your tits and wait till your numbers called. Of course the reason the gate lice are so keen to get on is not because of seat anxiety it is because they are very worried about securing enough of the overhead locker to accommodate their massive fucking bag which is a mystery how they actually managed to get it past check-in in the first place. These are also the same people who are sitting next to the window at the back of the plane yet as soon as the wheels squeak on the tarmac are unbuckled and on their feet with their phones on, where exactly do you think you are going in the next 15-20 minutes? Nowhere that’s where so stop making everyone feel like they have to disembark at warp speed just so you can reach your massive bag and join the wrong passport control queue because it is shorter.